Friendship

The term “FRIENDSHIP” is magical, flavored with positive energy, fun and frolic, and full of warmth. Every relationship is based on this term, and if friendliness is missing in any relationship, then it does not take long for the bond to turn sour and even bitter.

Friendship is Affection without ulterior motives, Understanding, and Faith. Submission of oneself to a friend.

The second set of emotions that has to be present in friends is also Acceptance, gratitude,and humility, Equality is the ingredient of Friendship, sharing should be the motive in this bond.

The entire Universe would be mechanical if this magical bond called FRIENDSHIP was missing. Volumes have been written, explained, analyzed and understood about friends and friendship. Friendship is a very vast subject, and is woven with complexities and is more complicated than any other relationship, yet considered more valuable and precious by all. It is as complicated as its simplicity, this bond treats its followers with equality; though it has no written rules and regulations, certain norms are required to be observed to maintain stability in friendship. Its adaptability differs from every person.

Man is a social animal and we all need people to mingle and to support us in life, it is like oxygen Society is essential to help us to express ourselves better and to evolve into good human beings. We need friends who share our happiness and also lend us a helping hand in times of need. A FRIEND IN NEED IS A FRIEND INDEED, the popular quote is apt to the above sentence.

In modern world, social networking has spread vastly and does not restrict our friends Circle to our state or country alone, it makes it possible to even connect with people of different countries and origin. We have classified friends into best friend, picnic friends, All time friends hang out friends, time pass friends. However, ultimately a friend is a friend. Friendship is a source sent by the Almighty to support us to wade through the Tides of life comfortably. It makes the journey of life more memorable with golden Moments when shared with friends and our dear ones. It is a vital energizer to boost our dull lives and pep us with additional enthusiasm.

A loner may believe that he prefers solitude and does not need company but he/she would be in for a huge surprise, when he/she unexpectedly interacts even with a stranger and feels a sudden and strange suppressed emotion of positive energy erupting like a volcano, he feels unburdened and relaxed and unknowingly longs for such moments, though they may not willingly accept.

Everyone relishes his/her privacy, but not for too long, he needs to interact with acquaintances and friends.socialising can help in exploring oneself and also to gain Knowledge by sharing the varied interests.

Friendship can bring a smile to our lips even at the most trying or depressed moments, We feel we are not alone; we have a person who is willing to accept all our responsibilities as his or her own, ungrudgingly and to ease us out of a difficult situation. In addition, he/she is our Friend. Every stage in Friendship resembles the different stages of life of a person.

The initial stage of Friendship is as innocent as an infant, it is raw and naïve, just suggesting budding. You are in the familiarization stage and it is the process of learning about each other and in addition, getting to know about the person’s nature, interests, and flaws. This stage gradually un folds like the nature of an infant We need to pamper and provide the support to form a base to encourage it to keep it going.

The SECOND STAGE is when we are comfortable and have settled in the relationship, it is very rosy, just with the usual on-going process like the childhood. Friendship has gained recognition and has no qualms about anything, just accepts what you have to offer and offers everything to please us.

The THIRD STAGE is the vital stage, which literally resembles the YOUNG AGE...

It is spring in the hearts and Friendship reaches its peak, we have a heart singing the laurels of friends always, and become possessive about them, we need all their time and attention, we are not even prepared to share them with their families. Sometimes, contrastingly we even accept their families as our own. Fortunately, even our friends have the same feelings and are emotionally attached as if never before, it becomes a fabulous world of just FRIENDSHIP and friends experience the seed of FRIENDSHIP grow into a lively and fresh plant, fertile and bustling with Life. We tend to think the only force in Life is a Friend, no one else matter to us at that point of life.
They have a ready shoulder to offer to us to lean upon and a ready-made solution for every problem, first and fore most they teach us to believe in ourselves and help us to recognize our hidden and un-tapped potentials. As it is said, Friendship is more valuable than a golden ship as it helps us to sail over the turbulences of the rough sea of life.Friendship has a very thin margin between Love. But is also filled with love and affection However, has no constraints, gives plenty of space to each other and is not binding on each other, Friends are free to live Life on their own terms without hurting one another and this liberty is enjoyed, as it owes no explanation. No one is superior or inferior in Friendship.Each has his/her own role to play, they have to prove their friendship some time or the Other when the need arises.
Friendship is joy, peace, relaxation and entertainment. There is neither “sorry” nor is there a formal “Thank you” in friendship. It is also understood, that we never let a situation to arise where we have to apologize to our friend. When you begin to trust another person, more than one-self or at least as much as you trust yourself, be sure you are in the secured arms of friendship. This bond, has the attached tag of “I am there for you, as always”, which encourages us to take giant leaps in life, in all walks of life, aware that our dear friend or friends is/are ready to support us, in case we slip on the slimy path, while reaching our destination; without them, we would still reach our goal, with our own will power, but the journey may not appear like a path of rose bed but a little thorny as we psychologically know we are by ourselves and no one is present to support us, friends may not literally hold our hands and walk us down the path of success, but their moral support, definitely forms a strong balance system.

Friends are not of our own blood, they are next to our kith and kin, they may have been born in some different part of the world, have different origin, opinions may be totally contrasting, likes and dislikes may not match with ours, but still…when the ice is broken and a chord is struck between two individuals, the familiarity blossoms into a wonderful bond called Friendship. Caring for a friend unexpectedly, sharing our happiness with them and sharing their failures and apprehensions are the foremost duty of a true friend.

Friendship is equally complicated as other relationships. Everyone does not become your Friend, right away, barring some usual exceptional cases. In the modern society, it is common to show we have a huge friends circle and to a certain extent, it is very true,however, honestly, can we share our heart and mind with all of these people, and the answer would be a big NO. This is enough to prove they are just acquaintances who though not strangers but cannot be friends right away, may be with the passage of time, they may prove to be the best of the friends but until then they remain Hangout or casual friends, in today’s jargon. It is a very important task to select Friends, as our Nature and Attitude also may be influenced by them by a slight percentage and there is nothing wrong in it as long as we do not lose own identity. When we are constantly in contact with a person or persons, their nature and for that matter everything, from Lingo, fashion sense, attitude and life-style, may rub on to us a bit, but be matured enough to adapt only their virtues, but stick to your own principles, do not follow them like a lost lamb, remember that you are a separate entity and have your own identity, you do not have to be like others. This quality will serve the requisite of Equality between friends and respect and love is not lost between them.

Friendship is not all about finding similarities but it is also about respecting differences, a friend or for that matter, anybody should accept us for what we are rather than trying to be dogmatic.

“Comparison” is an enemy which could butt in an ugly fashion in the calm sea of friendship and cause disturbances, hence the motto of “Live and let live” should be adapted, do not try to be authoritative or dominant in friendship or for that matter in any relationship. We are not qualified to assess someone’s behavior unless asked for, never form opinions and jump to conclusions and react. Hasty actions could lead to unpleasant ness. We cannot dictate terms to others or cannot expect to see what we like, in others.

They are matured to manage their lives and may detest our interference. We may not approve of someone’s attitude or action, but all fingers of the same hand is not uniform,Each person has a different perspective, approach in looking at things, hence it is only wise to accept them for what they are and not try to mould those to our own requirements, and it would be unfair too. We may be correct and the other person wrong literally, but nothing much can be done; similarly we could be wrong and the other person correct, will we accept his /her difference of opinion? Honestly NOT!
Instead of working on rectifying the other person, we have to adopt measures to avoid differences and misunderstanding and get things sorted.

Only a parent is qualified to possess these powers of dominance, in the interests of their children.

A friend may need your advice but never give until you are asked for your opinion, you may offend the person and it could be misunderstood. When a person tries to teach or dictate terms, it is never accepted with a pinch of salt. friendship sustains when there is equality, between friend/friends, but when superiority or inferiority complexes enter into the bond, it no longer remains friendship, never admire a friend, as it could dangerously lead to envy and that could even dangerously turn to the GREEN-EYED MONSTER-jealousy. Love and adore your friend just for his/her presence in life, remind yourself as to how many times they brought a smile on to your face;

How many times they were there to boost your confidence when you were at your lowest ebb
How many times they held your hand when the whole world shoved you in the dumps,
How many times they forgot their moments of happiness and shed tears with you,
How many times they smiled for your success, even in their moments of failures,
How many times they persuaded you to face the challenges of life after your failures.
How many sleepless nights they passed to ensure you had a good night’s sleep,
How many occasions they made you feel important,
How many times they reminded us there would be a sunrise after the sunset,
How many times they showed us the positive aspect to a dark cloud,
How many times they colored our dull lives by showing a rainbow after the rain.
How many times they taught us to remain patient until the opportunity knocked our Doors.
How many times they made us feel wanted when the world neglected us
In addition, the list would be endless…

A friend need not remind us to give a thought to these feelings, in friendship both the concerned parties should abide by the duties, if one wants to enjoy the fruits of friendship.

It is quite simple to enter into a friendship but very difficult to maintain it.

Like it is said

“To make friends is as easy
As to write sand with sand on sand”
But as difficult as to maintain friendship
As to write water, with water on water.

It requires lot of stability in the bond, PATIENCE and CO-OPERATION are the key-factors required to maintain the relationship of Friendship. Love and affection has to be flavored with a bit of regard for the friend too. We cannot demand respect but have to command it. We have to learn to respect their feelings and importantly try to understand it too. Small gestures of concern keep our friendship alive and growing. Our lives mean a lot to us due to our loved ones in our family, relatives and friends. they mean the world to us; but make sure that we mean the same to them too.

Friendship should not be made for convenience, never adjust in a friendship, be comfortable and transparent and never take friends for granted. Be a guide to your friend, only if your guidance is requested for and not otherwise. Family definitely comes first but meanwhile do not think that a friend is just an option to entertain you in your boredom, a friend deserves much more than that. We generally expect always that our friends will understand our silence and not misunderstand, and then we should be magnanimous to apply the same logic when they are silent, but we complain, we feel we are neglected.

Expression of emotions is very important in every relationship, we need to be told repeatedly we are needed, loved and missed by our dear ones; it creates a high in our beings. When we expect this from our friends, don’t you think we should also express our loyalties to them?

Every day we meet new people, some remain just as our acquaintances but some become special. We may either be looking at our own reflection in them or may just feel contrastingly different, or for that matter just begin getting impressed by them for just absolutely for no reason at all and yet we can relate to them and feel very comfortable with them and enjoy their company, we start craving to have more of that person and even before we could realize, we have found a gem of a person as our friend.

Friendship has to be mutual, there should be no imbalances., friends will have to strive to maintain the bond, never always expect that they have to behave the way you want them to behave, terms cannot be dictated, treat them as you would treat yourself and your family, do not expect different behavior from them, be yourself and do not pretend to be what you are not and a friend will definitely understand, beating around the bush should be avoided. If you expect them to be, free with you, and then be an open book for them to read. In some cases, when one friend tries to pick up the reigns of friendship, they expect the other to oblige to them and that is very unfair, both the friends have to be active partners, one being dominant and the other dormant does not mean friendship. No one can take the reigns of your life. However, if a friend truly, advices in the interest of the friend then it are perfect but it is hard to discriminate the genuine interests, from dominance.

Sometimes we feel elated when our friends praise us and feel disheartened if they find fault with us, is this correct? Absolutely not, that would mean they are controlling our lives, it is but natural to feel that way but we have to rationalize, what may be imperfect to our friends may be perfect for us, what irks us, might excite them that does not mean we are wrong. For instance, if you are an extrovert and your friend is an introvert, socializing would be your choice, and solitude would be preferred by your friend, both are correct, but that does not mean one is sulking as their likes are nor the same, you could be as different as chalk and cheese but that does not mean one is superior or inferior to the other. Blessed are the friends who have everything similar right from interests, opinions, preference etc. To a certain extent each can bend a bit to adapt to the friend’s convenience but not always and it should be reciprocated.

Sometimes when we are passing through glorious moments of happiness, we tend to forget our friends, we feel they can wait and meanwhile do not want to share our precious moments with them, but when we pass through a lean phase and boredom is staring at us harshly, we want to get in touch with our friends, In other words we want to share our grief but not our happiness with our friends. We can borrow their help in times of need but only if we had thought of their welfare during our successful phase. We should strive to be all –weather friend, never shirk your responsibilities and duties as a friend and only demand for rights. Be there for your friend not at your own convenience but at the convenience of both. Never let your friendship become history, and even if it becomes one, let it only store sweet memorable moments and not a bad phase.

Shakespeare quoted that “Friendship is not measured when both take care of each other... it is measured when one ignores and the other still continues to care.” However, that would be unfair, friendship is like a partnership and joint venture, and both will have to care and share. One does not feel encouraged to care for a person who cares less for us.

If the above quote were to be followed, then we would have half the population ignoring their friends instead of repenting and reciprocating, yet enjoying the attention and care.

One would be dominating and the other a loser in Friendship, in spite of being faithful.

When a friend loyally keeps satisfying all the written and unwritten laws of friendship, some times, others take them for granted, they do not believe in following the same but expect the same from the former who was always a disciplinarian. and any lapse on the Formers part is treated with unpleasantness. How many of us appreciate such good gestures and thank them? None of us! We have the tendency to please others and not our own friends who are not demanding, but later, in the bargain lose them due to our indifference. Facial expressions are read and understood by everyone but the expressions of heart and mind can be read only by our dear ones, who care for us and have spent a chunk of their lives with us, true friendship is like sugarcane, you break it, or crush it, it bears everything but gives you sweetness and we take the sweetness but wish to ignore the crushed cane. Try to be selfless in this bond and do not be manipulative, diplomacy also is not the answer. It is said that when destiny forgets to tie people in blood relationship, it rectifies the mistake by introducing them as friends. Such is the importance of friendship.

We cannot buy friends; we meet them if they are in our destiny. Lucky are a few who have friends in all the stages of their lives, luckier are those who have the same friends in all the stages of their lives. Paupers are those, who have no friend at any stage of life, we have to maintain life in our friendship; it cannot be a one-way situation, irrespective of each friend’s life-style. On a humorous note, it is said when some one is sweet to you, do not always expect them to be like that, because even the sweetest chocolate has an expiry date. If you want sweetness, you fill their lives also with nectar, do not be stingy. Do not forget they have already sweetened your life, so be magnanimous to spread some of your sweetness to them.

HESITATION and RELUCTANCE should never creep into friendship to help or communicate with a friend; friendship should not have any limitation and is not bondage.

True friends stay true to their friendship beyond words and action.
Friends are gems found in the great ocean of friendship,
Friends are the shining pearls in the oysters,
Friends are the shining stars in the constellation of friendship.
Friends are the honey droplets in the honeycomb.
Friends are the sparkling sunrays, who brighten our lives.
Friendship should not be like the rain, which lashes and stops but has to have to keep lingering around us, like the Air.
Friendship has to be purely self-less, believe in giving, either be it by moral support or
by kind and caring gestures. do not become judgmental and critical, about your friend’s actions.
Every person is a different entity, and they cannot mould according to everyone’s whims and fancies, they may yield to a certain level, if it is mutual, but if you do not step out of your comfort zone, but expect others to meet your requirements, then you are asking for too much, and even if they do, out of good will, they lose their self-esteem and identity. Friendship is of three type’s childhood friendship, teenage friendship and Mature Friendship.

Childhood friendship: - The most innocent bond is childhood friendship, kids are naïve and all that they want in friendship is company and enjoyment. They generally do not bother about the comparisons or diplomacy, they are their normal selves even with their friends but gradually in urban societies, comparisons are surfacing between kids With Parents providing their kids with the best of everything including gadgets, and the offspring of low-income parents are deprived of these amenities, hence even this friendship is tainted with comparisons and complexes.

Teenage friendship: - The most rocking and mind blowing phase of life, when we are looking at life with a new perspective, with stars in our eyes, spirits soaring high and ambitions overflowing ready to accept and adapt anything and everything, we are adventurous, want to conquer the world, and do not mind experimenting.

Naturally, we meet new friends, who enter our lives, some to stay for a brief period and some who become a part of our existence. However, a person is most vulnerable during the adolescent phase and is like wet clay, which has to acquire a shape or form.The fickle minded youth may not aim at long time friendship, but enjoy the friend’s company shortly. They just hang out and share light moments.

Mature friendship: - This is the most enduring and an emotional bond. Friendship, which takes a form of a strong bond, is most time tested of all the other forms of friendship. When a couple of mature adults, meet and interact and find similar interests or even contrasting interests and yet find the other person interesting, they strike a chord and this is for a life time and if managed properly, keeping each other’s interests in mind, the friendship blossoms into a true everlasting bond.

FRIENDSHIP, to a certain extent has to be predictable, for instance, when we call a friend, to wish them for an occasion we expect them to respond and reciprocate, the least we expect from them, but if they do not respond for a flimsy reason, it gives us a set back. Next occasion, we would be apprehensive about making the first move with the thought of being neglected and a series of such incidents widens the gap, which leads to misunderstandings.

Friendship is challenging, we have to be cautious, not to hurt the sentiments of others, do not always look from your own point view; hold other is interests also in high esteem. Meeting new friends will always be on the cards, but never let the new influence over shadow the old and time-tested relationships. This is a tricky situation, giving you an option of choosing one friend over the other, but do we need to forget a bond, which was a part of our life, just because a new friend had entered into our lives. It is not an option; we have to maintain both the relationships. Generally, we tend to flow along with the new tide and stay away from still waters. who knows, tomorrow when a new friend enters your new friend’s life, they may just discard you for the new one, leaving you in the lurch? then we remember the sweet gestures of the friends of past and repent or even try patching up with them; if the friend is gracious, he/she may still forgive and patch up but mind you, the dent formed in the friendship never smoothens, as you have already failed once before in delivering the needful in the friendship, and may be that person had just left the broken relationship and has moved on with a new set of friends. In this world, no one is invincible. They may forgive you, but will only accommodate you in their lives, you will definitely not regain your position you previously held in their heart. until and unless the friend in question is magnanimous and wishes to give you the same love and affection.

The most important point to be remembered in any kind of relationship is never take any person for granted. When a friend dutifully calls and tells you, they care for you or they miss you, never assume that they would be the same always, because they expect you also to reciprocate, they also need to be assured that you love and miss them. you have to also make the first move, when it is your turn to express and do not hold back, You do not lose anything by conveying your feelings, remember you are not doing a favour to the other by just remaining their friend. so learn to appreciate their kind gestures and make them feel loved.

Treat a person the same way; you want to be treated by them. do not ask for anything more or anything less. That is why we emphasize on equality in Friendship.

Friendship is a willingness to share our moments with one another, miss them during happy phases of life, and help one another not just by preaching and advising but also by practice and deeds. Maintain sincerity and honesty, and earn the good will of your friend. Be a patient listener to your friend’s conversation and an equally good conversationalist.

play both the roles effectively, if you are passive, you would be misunderstood, and if you keep interrupting, it appears that you want the friend to finish off with conversation or that you have a better topic to converse or put across. However, this situation could be contradicting also because when good friends meet they are so overwhelmed that they cannot wait to pour and blurt out their experiences and to catch up with the lost time.

Meanwhile both are talking and giggling simultaneously, that is perfectly fine, if both are comfortable and are doing it with affection and not to belittle or suppress the other. Informal behavior in friendship is welcome too, just not to feel like aliens but then for a long lasting friendship, we have to also maintain a degree of formality and etiquette.

Sometimes situations force us to become indifferent with friends, the situation could have compelled the other to react in the unexpected way, but we always have a question popping up, wondering, why could they not handle the situation in a better way? Alternatively, why could we ourselves not handle it more tactfully?

Such situations arise only when there is lack of co-ordination, we expect a lot from others and we ourselves fail to live up to their expectations .blame game is resorted to and it turns into sessions of explanation and clarification, which causes the primary dent in the bond. Clarifying one’s position is good to prove innocence in case of true misunderstandings, so that it is sorted, but if it is done to question a person’s integrity, then it is unjustified. When you have to prove your innocence or intentions after years of a relationship, it implies that the claws of mistrust are pawing to threaten to seep into the strong walls of friendship.
Friendship is flossy, frizzy and always bubbling with excitement, there seems to be no monotonous moments, and even if any, they still make it interesting. We really do not mind to do the same things with friends, for an example, if we just went to a park with a friend, the previous day and would have to go there even for a week, it would not bore us,That is because of the company, such is the charm of Friendship. To maintain any relationship, we need to sacrifice a bit and it applies in Friendship. Sometimes, if we have to change a schedule as per the other’s requirements or programme, or forego another assignment it has to be done without cringing and this would definitely be appreciated. However, it again has to be mutual; a single sided sacrifice would be unfair.

The term Friendship by itself is vast, it has the capacity to absorb the entire World and is more superior than other relationships; it has lots and lots to offer and never demands for anything, everything goes good with just understanding, of course, by Friendship, we mean Genuine Friendship and True Friends. Not all these laws apply in the cases of Nominal Friendship or Friendship by convenience, or Acquaintances.

You name it and Friendship satisfies every requirement. It acts as a shock- absorber, Friends are always available to absorb our rough patchy phases and offer us the comfort of cushion, by soothing our tired and aching souls. They unconditionally perform their duties and never demand for rights That is the charm of Friends and Friendship.

We cannot bind Friendship, with conditions, it has to be maintained by, Love, Care and Understanding. It is similar to a Bird, If you hold it tightly; it dies out of Suffocation and if you leave it loose it flies away, so handle it with care, it is Fragile, do not let cracks appear in this bond. Be responsible in Friendship and towards your friends. It is not a deal by agreement, it is a bond of heart.

Friendship is also like a Sea-Saw, when our friend rises on top, we should not mind going down, and our friend should be ready to go down to see us perched on top.

Celebrate a Friend’s success and be a Pillar of strength in their Failures. Do not criticize their actions just to magnify their failure and to belittle them. To err is human, we all learn from our mistakes, no one is a perfectionist, we all are prone to vulnerability, so do not be harsh on them, treat their failure as your own and then probably you could empathize with your friend. Friendship is vibrant and full of Intensity.

Sometimes it also tests out tolerance level,It depends on how tolerant we are with ourselves when a friend does not fulfill the requisites of the bond. At such times we have to be rational to an extent giving them a benefit of doubt. Firstly we need to check our stance in the given situation, if our expectation was high or demanding? or was it negligence on the part of the latter towards us? or a carefree attitude of the person ? or an ego clash?

After weighing the pros and cons, judicially, we need to assess the trouble shooting areas and the causes for differences which could turn into indifferences. If the trouble is from our side, then we need to rectify immediately, If the situation led both the friends to a misunderstanding, it can amicably be sorted out by clarification. If the trouble is from the Friend’s end, then nothing much can be done, if it is an unintentional mistake, and we are broad minded, we can forgive them, but if the other person is adamant and is of firm faith to be rigid and not lenient in settling issues, it is better we sacrifice such relationships.

We all have our self esteem, so never degrade yourself in the name of any Relationship.

You have to be treated with importance as much as importance you shower on your Friend, if not nothing is lost, there is another Friend in the waiting around the corner to enter your life. Welcome them with open arms and fill your lives with joy.

Long Live FRIENDSHIP and FRIENDS!!!